With a variety of mental health problems, we’ll feel this need to find meaning or purpose or motivation or happiness, but that just creates barriers and only deepens our problems, and only leads to more anxiety and depression.
Often, what creates the barriers is how we invent and attribute meaning to things that don’t have that meaning. I did this in the past when I was convinced that life was only meaningful if I was doing specific things or getting specific things. But that created a trap for myself because it logically meant that if I wasn’t doing those things or getting those things, then life wasn’t meaningful. And my ideas of what constituted meaningful things were entirely arbitrary, incredibly limited, and limiting.
I describe it as searching for a drop of water in the ocean. For years I was in the ocean, flailing around, looking for a drop of water, when not only could I have so much more than a drop, but I already had so much more. It was only my judgements that were constantly getting in the way of me realizing it.